Derek’s Afternoon
So I was driving home for lunch today…
Just riding in the car, minding my own business on our quiet residential street.
Then out of the corner of my left eye, I spot something.
It’s approaching my car faster than a fat man to a buffet table.
This massive object was a huge white-tailed deer.
I turned my whole head to the left and saw this giant buck running towards the side of my car.
Presumably tired of munching on the neighborhood Bermuda grass,
Or perhaps dazzled by the sight of my shiny blue Matrix
He was making a mad dash into the protection of the neighboring woods.
The buck was big, boy, I tell ya he was 10 stories high if he was a foot.
I looked at him and I said “Easy big fella!”
And I slammed on my brakes.
As my car was coming to a stop the mighty buck altered his course slightly,
Running more up the road to avoid the surely fatal collision he was about to encounter.
As he sped up, and I slowed down, the 8 point buck galloped in front of my car;
And our eyes met.
Now I know it seems odd, but I could see emotion in his deep, black eyes.
But it wasn’t fear, not exhilaration. Oh no.
It was anger.
The deer was angry this day my friends.
Like an old man trying to return soup at a deli.
Was he mad about the taste of the Bermuda grass? Now frozen and bitter.
Bitter like a single 40 year old woman, well past her prime but unable or unwilling to accept reality
Perhaps he fostered anger at never fulfilling his dream of becoming a deer banker.
Unlikely.
This anger was about a loss of his home, the loss of his land.
New houses are being built each day encroaching on his once vast habitat.
And as I drove on, and the deer ran out of sight
I began to think about the deer’s anger
And his plight
And I thought:
“Screw you deer!”
Tags: derek, humor, spurious
One Comment | Comment or Ping
Reply to “Derek’s Afternoon”